Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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