I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
