i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
