Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
