accomplished twins. life is a go
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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