OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
