so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
