The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Someone came in the potted fern
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
