I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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