no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
