Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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