You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
