So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
