I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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