I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
