what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
