If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
