i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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