Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
