the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
