I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
