Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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