This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
