yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
