Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
