piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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