Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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