were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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