Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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