***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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