god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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