peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His hands were made for my vagina.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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