Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
