I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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