So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
