i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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