he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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