Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
