***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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