Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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