he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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