Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
