Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
