I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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