I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
