At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
