She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
