If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
