dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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