your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
