I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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